Warming up: England are preparing for their Euro 2012 debut

Useless. Arguably the poorest collection of England performances at any World Cup.

England’s footballers are like Goldilocks. This one’s too hot, that one’s too cold; they never get a tournament that is just right.

Perhaps it is this propensity for disappointment that gives the tales of woe such breadth.

There are the penalty shootout calamities, the ones where the best player gets sent off or the goalkeeper goes down with food poisoning.

There are freak injuries, freak regimes, the odd faith healer, a chip from the halfway line.

‘Hold on,’ said manager Roy Hodgson. ‘One minute it’s my 39th night in charge, the next I’m asked for a lecture on England’s failings over 30 years. I think I’ll concentrate on what’s ahead.’

What he hopes is ahead, of course, is not more of the same. Hodgson and his captain Steven Gerrard were looking to play down weather-related issues before Monday’s match against France but we have heard that before.

How many times have we been told that England will not be using the conditions as an excuse before a game, only for it to be trotted out after the subsequent defeat?

From the rain-sodden Wembley pitch in 2007 against Croatia to the humidity in Shizuoka against
Brazil in 2002, the way the country carries on at tournaments one would imagine that the Charlton who has made the greatest  contribution to England’s football history is Suzanne.

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