Give me an E. Give me an N. Give me a G. Actually, just give me a whole load of Es, because the only way I’m going to carry on with this England cheerleader nonsense is if I’m on mind-bending drugs.

There’s no need for the pom poms this time. It seems the majority of people in this country have finally accepted that we need to treat the national team in a truly English fashion, with a cough of embarrassment and a muttered apology.

Over me head, son: Andy Carroll is caught out by a playful attack from team-mate Wayne Rooney in training

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