For this morning’s edition, Aftonbladet, the biggest selling daily newspaper in Scandinavia, has mocked up front pages of various British newspapers in the event of England’s certain defeat by Sweden.

‘L0-5ERS,’ says Aftonbladet’s imitation Daily Mail, which seems a tad optimistic considering that only one match between the teams has been won by a margin of more than two goals. It was on May 17, 1937 and went in England’s favour. ‘Smogas-bored,’ reads the cod Sun, which is really rather good, with a greater chance of accuracy considering that both teams seem to be putting much emphasis on  scoring from set pieces.

Swede revenge: Aftonbladet's tongue-in-cheek prediction is for a 5-0 defeat for England tonight. The Swedes imagined how the Daily Mail (left) and The Sun would report that

There are too many scatological references in Aftonbladet’s take on tabloid culture to be truly accurate — the negative reaction to the ‘Norse manure’ headline in The Sun after defeat by Norway under Graham Taylor was a reminder that some jokes do not play as well over the breakfast table as they do in the laddish environment of the office — but nobody can claim Aftonbladet have not captured the  zeitgeist at this tournament.

England in Ukraine are like the Manchester City of 10 years ago. They are the punchline, the butt, the pay-off to every gag. Somehow, a group of players that have lost two matches in close to two years have ended up as Euro 2012’s fall guys. Holland are embroiled in civil war,  Sweden are firing balls at the bare backside of the reserve goalkeeper — and not  particularly successfully, by the way — but mention England and a flicker of a smile plays across most lips.

The Football Association have managed expectations so successfully that most of Kiev expects the team bus to arrive at the Olympic Stadium to the music from Laurel and Hardy. Here come England. Di-dum-di-dum, dum-di-dum, didderly-dum, didderly-dum. Look, there’s manager Roy Hodgson in front with the horn, selling fresh fish.

Last week, on the eve of the opening match with France, some Gallic joker asked the England boss why anyone worried about his team at tournaments when they so often disappoint; now even the Swedes are cracking wise.

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